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CONOR MICHAEL FORD



LIVING IN THE HEARTS OF ALL WHO KNEW HIM.
October 18, 1999 - February 4,2004



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In one of the stars
I shall be living
In one of them
I shall be laughing
And so it will be
as if all the stars
were laughing
when you look
at the sky at night

~The little Prince
Antoine de Saint-Exupery BR>



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Journal

Sunday, October 18, 2020 7:55 AM CDT

October 18, 2019

Today is Conor’s birthday. He should be 20.
I keep staring at my kids, my beautiful boys and something isn’t right. They are rambunctious, loud, smelly, rude, loving, funny, unique and perfect. They are mine. I know every detail of the faces and I can spot them a mile away by their walk. I know who is most likely to wake up in the middle of the night, who will most likely make me laugh and who will make me want to pull my hair out. I love them with an intensity that still takes my breath away. And every minute of every day, every event, every milestone and every accomplishment I feel something tugging at my thoughts. There’s something not right. There’s something missing. There is someone missing. There is a thought that steals into each day and each moment. I should know this. I should’ve been through this already...I should have a 20 year old son. There should have been someone here paving the way. My oldest child isn’t my my oldest child, not in my mind or in my heart. I should have a 20
Year old son. I should have a 20
Year old. Instead I still see a mischievous 4 year old with only one side of his neck covered in freckles that smells of warm blankets and cookies. A smart and funny kid that made every one around him take notice and pay attention. I see a little boy playing trains and watching toystory and scoby doo. A kid that would do anything for his little brother, who loved that little brother more than anything. I miss that little boy...but today I mostly I miss knowing who he would be right now today on his 20th birthday. I miss the awkward teen he would’ve been and the man he would be becoming. I miss the fights and the fun he would’ve had with his brothers. I miss the sleepless nights worrying about where he is and what he would be doing. I miss who he could’ve and should’ve been. I miss his laughter. I miss hearing that squeaky little voice crack and say “so what do you want to do today mom?”

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Links:

https://www.facebook.com/685240931/videos/122987355931/   video
http://www.bloodservices.ca   bone marrow registry info
http://www.bmtsupport.ie   information on bone marrow transplants


 
 

E-mail Author: kristydarren@yahoo.com

 
 

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