carol hisatomi

well, it's 1:20 in the am and I am still up!! /the trip wasw good and tomorrow we have our first meeting with the doc. Wish me luck. Wendy, you are the only one to receive this since I need to sleep. Sweet dreams and thanks for all the support and compassion -- can you give this infor to those on that list you have??

Journal

Tuesday, October 14, 2003 11:37 PM CDT

Six months have passed--half a year; a spring, a summer and now fall. She has been gone 3 seasons. I'm not angry just sad. I know she is okay. I never thought I could bear such sorrow. But I can. I look back now and the awful memories are fading and the good ones remain strong. In the grand scheme of things, her death wasn't bad. Maybe an 8 on a scale of 10. She spent a week with each of her kids; she knew she was loved by many friends and family. How many people get that?

I held her hand and we made each other laugh right up until the day she died. How many people get that?

She held 5 granddaughters in her arms, all of whom have quilts she made for them.

My brothers and I are cleaning out her house. I feel her there with me, watching, making sure I get it right. My youngest daughter speaks of her often. She will remember a face my mom would make or say, "oh grammy would like this." She invokes her name and memory and keeps her alive for me. She is named after my mother.

I have gotten on with my life, mostly because I had to and because my mom would be so angry if I didn't. But also because I have a good life and I honor her and my father by living it well.

She didn't leave me with any words unspoken or feelings unknown. I did right by her to the very end. I loved her the best I knew how and she loved me. She was not afraid, just unwilling, to die. For all these things I am grateful and proud. It is not so much a measure of a daughter, but a measure of a mother. I was mothered well. I knew it then and I know it now.

Look at past journal entries

Hospital Information:

Duke Medical Center
Pratt Ave
Durham, NC

Email address  : emmagram@accessbee.com

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