Butch Gamboa

Butch M. Gamboa
December 11, 1962 - December 3, 2006

Journal

Monday, December 3, 2007 11:24 AM CST

So, today it's been a year. I realize that a year is a milestone of sorts. But it seems kind of strange to me...today, I don't miss Butch any more than I did yesterday, and I am sure I won't miss him any less tomorrow, when the "first" year is over. I miss him constantly, all the time. He is ingrained in me, a part of me that will always be with me. I hear him in my head (and not in a "you are crazy" kind of way) and feel him with me constantly.

This is the only way that I can think of to explain it. I have this big scar on my forehead, from the little tumor that was removed. And it's healing. There was big hole there once, and now there is a big scar. Pretty much most of my forehead was numb for a long time. It's healing well...the doctor says "it's a good scar. You won't be able to see in about another year." And it has recently begun to sting and burn randomly, as the nerves that were cut are beginning to heal and feel again. And, no matter how good it finally looks, even if no casual observer notices, I am always going to see it.

And that's how my heart is too. Losing Butch is a huge hole in my life. But my heart is starting to heal. There is a big scar - and it burns and stings randomly. In a few years, when it becomes a "good scar" and no one would casually notice, I am always going to know the scar is there. It will be part of me...that I will always see.

The hole that Butch being gone created is slowly being filled by the joy of having been the one that he chose to be his wife, of loving him with my whole heart, of having no regrets, of the memories that we have of him. And that makes all the difference.

Kara

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Links:

http://www.braintrust.org   THE Brain Trust - donations can be made in memory of Butch

E-mail Author: kduck913@yahoo.com

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