Jake's Page

Welcome to ourTeen'sWeb Page. It has been provided to keep people updated about our grief and life after our son Jake went to heaven at the age of 15. Jake was diagnosed with t-cell ALL on 11-14-00, his WBC count was 125,000. We were on CCG-1961 and Jake was a RER, by day 7, he had less than 5% blasts. We were so happy. We continued on the protocol and had radiation therapy to make sure no leukemia cells were hiding anywhere. Jake started his freshman year in high school and the onc said he could play football if he was up to it. He worked so hard, then started complaining of pain, so bad he told the coach he had to stop. I took him to the pediatrician and he did a blood count and thought maybe he had MONO, I knew and told him to call the cancer center. We were admittied the next day with a BM relapse. It was 9-20-01. I remember Jake being devastated about 9-11 and the horror. he watched it over and over. His school was very concerned too. Jake followed CCG-1941 while he awaited to find a match for a BMT. None of us matched, we all were 3/6. We were going to go do an experimental procedure done in Germany and Israel with good results at City of Hope in CA after Christmas. Well 12-26-01, Jake relapsed again, we went to high dose ARA-C. I asked for the new drug they were using RU187 or something like that, but they could not get it in time with all the red tape. After the high dose Ara-c, when his counts came up, so did the leukemia. On 1-8-02 Jake relapsed again or actually he never achieved remission, the leukemia was so strong. Jake wanted to go home, he said he only did the last treatment for me, he knew he was going to die. I of course could not believe he really would. I had so much faith that God would give us a miracle and save Jake. He did save him, in heaven on 2-9-02 at 7:17 in the morning. He has been gone for 3 years now and it seems like yesterday. I try to move on, but it is impossible when your child is gone. I hope you understand some of my rantings on this page. My heart goes from total disbelief to anger to just thinking of giving up. I do have my OK days. I work as a Labor and Delivery Nurse and see miracles every day when a baby is born and takes their first breath. I also have watched my son take his last breath. Jake, we miss you more than life.

Journal

Monday, April 6, 2009 11:7 PM CDT

Exciting news!! My daughter Sarah, Jake's sister is pregnant, kind of an UH OH, but she is married and now we are all excited. I guess the kids,

Colton 7 and Emma 3 at first cried, they did not want another baby in their Mom's belly but now they can't wait. colton wants a boy, brother, to sleep with him and he will teach him everything. Emma of course, well first she wanted a brother, but now she wants a sister, to share her room. Me, I don't know what I want, not that it matters, I keep saying I would absolutely love for her to have twins, a boy and a girl, but of course she does not want that, so I of course as always will take a healthy baby no matter boy or girl, but if I had to choose I would say girl, even if maybE I could get a baby boy like Jake. I truly believe each of my grandchildren have a part of him and they remind me of him. I just want a girl because I always wanted a sister all my life and I think it would be very cool and I am pretty sure this will be Sarah's last baby and my last "blood" grandchild. I love all my "step" ones too.

My nieces form IN were here for a week and it is kind of weird for me to say, but I really enjoyed and it is different to be with people "like" me. I could totally tell we were the same, same blood, same DNA, same actions, thoughts.............I thouroughly enjoyed haveing them here and I really feel like I missed so much when I left home so young. I never got to know my family, my blood family. I just made do with my husbands family, who are great and wonderful and I love them, BUT.........they aren't like me and I noticed that this week and I missed My MOm and my Dad and my aunts and Uncles and my HOME, my REAL HOME.

Jake, I will always miss you and I thank you so much for being with me abnd tell Grandma and Papa I felt them with us this week. Jess is truly growing up and she reminds me of myself and I just love her and I want to help her and Rachel too and I wonder WHY I still want to stay here in AZ. Why can't I take Sarah and the kids and move HOME and be with MY family for awhile. Why God? What is my purpose here? Would I do better in IN helping them there? Or does it really matter, everyone needs to grow up and help themselves. Jake, I wish you were here to help me, you would yell at me and tell the truth. I am afraid, Sarah and I truly do not know the truth and I know Kaiya has no clue at this time, she has blinders on. Please help us all, please ask God to help us all, but please no one else dies yet, PLEASE!!!!!! I love you buddy, MOm

Hospital Information:

Patient Room: 1717

Heaven
In the sky with Jesus(my grandkids say)
10602 N. 26th Pl.Phoenix, AZ 85028

E-mail Author: jfavour@aol.com

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