Journal

Thursday, October 2, 2008 11:34 PM CDT

Can you believe it's October already? I can't! It's starting to get colder here every day. Tomorrow night it's supposed to get down to 37. I'm not used to that.

I can't believe how much has changed in a year. It's a year at the end of this month that I've been off treatment. Crazy, right? It feels like yesterday. I remember laying in the chair after my bone marrow and spinal tap, halfway awake and waiting for them to come and tell me the good news that I was still cancer free...and then they all gathered around me and sang me the no more chemo song and I don't think I've felt so happy ever in my life. But I have to admit that I walked away that day a little nervous. After all, they'd told me all this before and it still came back against the odds. So at the 6 month mark when everything went downhill last time, I held my breath and prayed and examined my body every day for any sign of swollen lymph nodes or unexplained bruising. Call it paranoia or lack of faith...call it whatever you want. But that's what cancer does to a person...it makes you suspicious of every cough, every headache, every prolonged cold. But this time, nothing showed. And every day that I live cancer free I count as a blessing. Because I know how things could have turned out, but God saved me from all that. I am still alive and healthy today and I don't want to take that for granted. I am so proud to be a survivor. It means there's hope. Hope for any future cancer patient who has to fight this horrible disease. Of course I would love for there to be an easier way to fight it than poisons and radiations...that's why I'm asking you all to pray that someday soon we'll see the end of cancer. That someone, somewhere will find a cure. Something a little more painless than losing your hair, throwing up every hour, and puffing up like a balloon. Is that so much to ask? I hate cancer. I hate that it has taken so many lives. And I may never know why I was chosen to beat it...twice. But I do know that while I still have breath in my body, I will always tell my story. The one that started so long ago with a little 14 year old girl and ends right here...where my life can truly BEGIN. I am one year cancer free!!! That's something I've never been able to say before. I am overjoyed.